Friday, January 27, 2023
Mandet Mandate?
The Design of Everyday Sinks
THIS WAS DEFINITELY MEANT AS A SINK.
6) Have you seen, heard of,
or even thought of a man-bidet until now?
7) I don't think man-bidets would be widely used. At least not for self-cleaning. We would certainly mock
them.
8) Man-bidets would often be misused by very drunk men. They could become water fountains, face washers, foot baths, urinals, vomit sinks (Speibecken), reservoirs, or worse. Would give a new meaning to the term "reservoir tip." Good. That term with condoms always made me feel inadequate. Other men must have a much, much greater storage capacity.
9) If man-bidets were popular, they would only be in bathrooms that also had standard bidets. Would you want to manage a hotel that only has bidets for men?
10) What if an innocent pet dog drank from a mandet? Ewww! Next thing you know, a dog somewhere might drink from a toilet. Very unsanitary. The CDC has extensively simulated this remote possibility and concluded that these poor dogs would suffer thirst reduction.
Soooo... it's a sink.
This sink reminded me of this book cover:
This book was required reading for us at UCSD Cog Sci. It's now read much more broadly, but still not enough. Its caption for Figure 1.1 calls it a coffeepot for masochists. You could sell that sadistic sink to masochists. Other target buyers: men who want to become "smaller" and also prefer cold water instead of surgery. Invest today! Operators are standing by!
This tea kettle, like the horizontal sink, would deliver water to an unwanted part of the body. The kettle could be practical, clever, even beautiful, iff you ignore or reframe its intended function. You know, like the sink or that body part.
If the kettle were used as a planter, then the spout wouldn't be used as a spout. The putative spout could be used for a second type of herb, different color flower, or incense holder. What you idiots thought was a misplaced handle is actually trellising so you can plant Virginia Creeper. The so-called lid is the next fashion breakthrough. I admit I was the only one who wore one to that Bar Mitzvah.
Wednesday, January 25, 2023
Mandet
I just asked The Internet to define “mandet”. It wasn't a word in modern English. It is now. A mandet is a bidet for men.
My dad and his brother have been licensed contractors for
decades. Their work has been in Architectural Digest repeatedly. They’ve built
for billionaires and still do. So I saw a lot of fancy bathrooms and faucets.
But nothing this crafty!
Faucets normally aim down, so unused water goes into a basin with a drain instead of on the user and floor. I was among the first to experience firsthand the next Kuhnian Paradigm Shift of shifting strong shooting snow-streams toward my shaft. Not down, or even up/adjustable like some bidets – straight out. Almost horizontal.
I had just taken a shower. I saw this... abomination. How naïve I was!! I thought it was a sink because:
1) Most restrooms have a sink somewhere.
2) It looked like a sink.
3) It was right where a sink would normally be.
(4) It was obviously a sink.
So I turned it on, launching high pressure freezing water several inches below my navel. If you think it doesn't seem like sufficient water pressure to bruise, you've never been male. Lefty's one of those sensitive types.
I had just washed appropriately during my shower. As usual. I mean, I *am* a filthy American, but at least I’m not a Hun or Duke of York. I didn’t realize I... it… they… needed to be pressure-washed, tetherballed, flash-frozen, and shrink-wrapped. I was a sopranino niño. Imagine the foreheads of 2 Mastiffs or Shar Peis.
Or don’t. Too late? You only had to ponder it
briefly. I’m still too numb to tell whether they’re descending or unraveling.