Mandet

I just asked The Internet to define “mandet”. It wasn't a word in modern English. It is now. A mandet is a bidet for men.

My dad and his brother have been licensed contractors for decades. Their work has been in Architectural Digest repeatedly. They’ve built for billionaires and still do. So I saw a lot of fancy bathrooms and faucets. But nothing this crafty!

Faucets normally aim down, so unused water goes into a basin with a drain instead of on the user and floor. I was among the first to experience firsthand the next Kuhnian Paradigm Shift of shifting strong shooting snow-streams toward my shaft. Not down, or even up/adjustable like some bidets – straight out. Almost horizontal. 

I had just taken a shower. I saw this... abomination. How naïve I was!! I thought it was a sink because:

1) Most restrooms have a sink somewhere.

2) It looked like a sink.

3) It was right where a sink would normally be.

(4) It was obviously a sink.

So I turned it on, launching high pressure freezing water several inches below my navel. If you think it doesn't seem like sufficient water pressure to bruise, you've never been male. Lefty's one of those sensitive types.

I had just washed appropriately during my shower. As usual. I mean, I *am* a filthy American, but at least I’m not a Hun or Duke of York. I didn’t realize I... it… they… needed to be pressure-washed, tetherballed, flash-frozen, and shrink-wrapped. I was a sopranino niño. Imagine the foreheads of 2 Mastiffs or Shar Peis. 

Or don’t. Too late? You only had to ponder it briefly. I’m still too numb to tell whether they’re descending or unraveling.

UPDATE: This post elicited such fun discussion that I just added 2 follow-ups. Thanks to my old buddy David Leland for making me laugh so hard that I couldn't use face recognition for over 30 seconds.